I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in- law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. - Henny Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. - Henny Youngman
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. - Henny Youngman
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. - Henny Youngman
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. - Henny Youngman
When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win. -, comedian and violinist (1906-1998) - Henny Youngman
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman